QUESTION: What is grief (having a broken heart) really about?

Don: Reality.

Grief--having an emotional broken heart--is the natural process of coming to terms with the way things actually are now compared to the way they were. You can expect things to be a certain way, for example, "We will always love living in this house." Then, reality happens, and you have to move because of financial changes. "This is the best dog we will ever have," and then reality happens, eventually you get a new dog, and you feel torn up inside. "We will be together forever." Then a partner suddenly dies. Grief is the natural process of coming to terms with the difference between expectations and the reality of what really occurs.

You will know where you are in your grieving as you note the degree to which events that are happening right now, actually feel like now, instead of being compared to the past. Another indication of where you are in grieving is the degree that you have imaginary conversations in your head about what should, could, or would have been happening, instead of what is actually occurring. Simply, the degrees between what your mind is expecting or insisting that isn't actually so.

Four specific reactions hold the pain of grief in place: (1) unresolved or unfelt resentments, (2) regrets, and (3) appreciations, and (4) unexpressed emotions. The Grief Recovery Method focuses on transforming resentments into actions of forgiveness, regrets into actions of apology, appreciations into actions of expression, and unexpressed emotions into actions of acceptances.  

Through this process the expectations of the mind lose their grip on your awareness, and you become free to see and work with reality--it is what it is--in your daily moments.

The Grief Recovery Method takes you through the action steps to loosen the grip of imaginary conversations of unreal expectations and frees your attention to what IS happening in your life, right now. The resolution of grief is being more free to be present to what is happening in your life right now.