Without skill, all the love you can muster won't improve a relationship. Marriage researchers and therapists John and Julie Gottman have spent over 30 years with over 3000 couples discovering what works and what doesn't work by observing people in relationships.
Through research with committed relationships, they discovered that a specific set of skills can enhance intimacy, manage conflicts effectively, and maintain individuality within a relationship. The Sound Relationship House model, which encapsulates the fundamental elements identified in the research, is a practical guide for real-life relationships.
Gottman Couple Therapy is based on scientific research and aims to help couples build a strong, lasting bond and skills to manage conflict. The Gottmans believe couples need a solid foundation of friendship, trust, and commitment to overcome challenges and stay connected.
In Gottman Couple Therapy, couples learn specific skills to improve communication and resolve conflicts. For example, they might practice active listening, where one partner speaks while the other listens without interrupting. They also learn how to express their needs and feelings clearly and respectfully. The therapy often includes exercises to help couples reconnect and strengthen their emotional bond, like spending quality time together or sharing positive experiences.
One of the key ideas in Gottman Couple Therapy is the concept of the "Four Horsemen," which are behaviors that can harm a relationship: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Couples are taught to recognize these behaviors and replace them with healthier ones, such as showing appreciation, taking responsibility, and staying calm during disagreements. By practicing these new skills, couples can improve their relationship and build a happier, more fulfilling life together.
Don Elium, MA LMFT 925 256-8282
Services Available In Northern and Southern California
•TeleHealth Office in San Francisco Bay Areas
A committed relationship is as much about skill as it is about love.
FREE 15-20 MINUTE CONSULTATION: by phone to answer questions that you have.
HOW LONG DO COUPLES COME FOR THERAPY?
I suggest committing to six months of weekly sessions. This amount of time allows for the inevitable missed sessions due to holidays, illnesses, and unforeseen circumstances and should be enough time to determine if progress is possible. After six months, we three evaluate, and you can decide whether to continue another six-month series is desired or end the therapy at that time. Of course less sessions are okay if enough progress is made that is satisfactory to you. Those choices are yours to make.
Even if you’re not in a crisis, you should start seeing progress and momentum within the first 3 to 6 couples therapy sessions. This early progress can be a source of hope and motivation, showing that change is possible and encouraging you to continue the process. Couple therapy does require a deep dive into your contributions to the challenges in your relationship during the sessions. practicing your individual plan for change and discovery of how you can access your agency for change toward your partner. Compassion, kindness and Mercy and Honesty toward yourself first, then your partner encourages the best in you to grow and strengthen.
The length of time ultimately depends on each couple’s presenting issues and goals for therapy.
If your marriage is on the brink, but your partner is not ready for counseling, I can help. This type of individual relationship counseling also requires a deep dive into your contributions to the challenges in your relationship and how you can access your agency for change.
WHAT’S YOUR CANCELLATION POLICY?
I have a 48-hour cancellation policy to give more advanced notice to another client needing your time slot.
If any unforeseen circumstances arise (e.g., you start to feel sick) 48 hours before our session, please contact me. I understand life can be unpredictable, and I’m here to help. We can work together to cancel or reschedule for later in the week.