THE FOUR HORSEMEN 

Some communication styles are so damaging to a relationship that Dr. John Gottman refers to them as the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. If they are not addressed, these behaviors predict relationship failure with over 90% accuracy. So, what can be done about them?

Understanding the negative communication and The Four Horsemen, article by Katie Sanders, LMFT, LPC
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Remember these antidotes for dealing with conflicts:

Antidote #1: Criticism - Start a conversation with "I" statements, slowing down the conflict and understanding the other person's point of view. For example, say "I feel... [describe the situation]... I need..." or start with "We..." to come together in the struggle.

Antidote #2: Defensiveness - Own your part and recognize your feelings without pointing out another's faults. Understand that there's more than one perspective. Use "I" statements or offer an apology.

Antidote #3: Contempt - Remember the other person's positive qualities, acknowledge them, and build positive moments. Use "I" statements and a tone that seeks understanding rather than judgment. Show willingness to accept the person by offering a hug, a positive word, or help.

Antidote #4: Stonewalling - Be open, willing to engage, and share thoughts and feelings. Engage in self-soothing activities if needed, take a break, and then come back within 24 hours for continued dialogue and resolution.