First and Second Order Change

(Gregory Bateson interpreted by Don Elium 2005)

First Order Change  (Note: Pressure goes down at first)

1. Do more or less of something to decrease pressure—a BEHAVIOR CHANGE.

2. Underlying conflict not identified nor resolved

3. Nothing significant and new is learned

4. Efforts bring temporary relief, yet pressure/discomfort returns to the previous level (because the underlying conflict is not named and worked with to loosen its grip on the present moment.)

5. Old Story Still Told and still can’t talk about underlying conflicts that are causing the pressure, and “damned if you do and damned if you don’t” continues to be the story told.

(Note: In first-order change, "pressure" is the enemy, and it is decreased by just moving it around and around to different places within the closed system of marriage---through denial, lying, and controlling (fight, flight, freeze, fawn)

Second Order Change (Note: Pressure goes up at first) TRANSFORMATION — A change in capacity

1. A CHANGE IN THE FOUNDATIONAL AND FUNDAMENTAL Point of View that relooks at all things. A DEVELOPMENTAL CHANGE that supports actions that match more of what is occurring NOW.

2. Identify and address the underlying conflict. Destructive Double Bind is diffused by talking about what is happening and the double bind of “damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.” Talking about it, while tolerating the uncomfortable without criticism and absolute blame, starts to ease the bind, making room for identifying and addressing the underlying conflict.

3. Learn significant and new things (to address the newly defined underlying conflict.

4. Define and Choose who you want to be in this situation FROM THIS NEW WAY OF SEEING THINGS (from WHAT IS NEEDED instead of letting the reaction choose for you). — this is the difference between a behavior change and TRANSFORMATION.

5. The New Story (narrative) can now begin to be told about the same perpetual situations experienced with NEW CLARITY and compassionately and talked about in kinder, yet sometimes more uncomfortable, ways.

(Note: In second-order change, "pressure/discomfort” is more immediate, but its intent is a friendly urge/force that is consciously used to transform the people and the relationship into something entirely new, often surprising to both people---for the better that is anchored in NOW and not just changing words around or putting new labels on old things. It is a fundamental development that leads to growth into maturity and awareness.

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Communication improves when the underlying uncomfortable conflicts are discovered, acknowledged, and addressed in a significantly different ongoing manner.

Second-order change involves doing something significantly or fundamentally different from what you have done before. The process is usually irreversible, and once you begin, returning to how you were doing things before becomes impossible.