Invest in Your Relationship: The Emotional Bank Account | The Gottman Institute

Ever wonder why some couples make it and others don’t? We’ve found it has a lot to do with the “Emotional Bank Account,” which represents the balance of positivity and negativity in your relationship. As relationship researcher Logan Ury explains, you make "deposits" through positive interactions and you make "withdrawals" through negative ones.

In healthy relationships, the ratio of positive behavior (showing interest, asking questions, being kind) to negative behavior (criticism, anger, hurt feelings) is 5:1. Keep your balance high by doing nice things every day for your partner and recognizing when they do nice things for you.

How to complain without hurting your partner

“Want communications in your relationship to be more effective? Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman explains the best (and worst) ways to talk to your mate about your wishes and needs. Visit www.gottman.com for more information.”

Make Better Bids for Closeness Daily

Closeness is sitting right beside you if you are skillful, and miles away if you are not.

“The easiest way to improve your relationship is to pay attention to your partner during life’s small, everyday moments. This video shows you how. As relationship researcher Logan Ury explains, you can choose to TURN TOWARDS your partner in these moments and accept their bids to connect, or TURN AWAY and ignore their bids.

Every time you choose to turn towards it, you make a deposit in your Emotional Bank Account. Notice when your partner makes a bid. Show interest, ask questions, nod, listen, and put away your screens. Visit https://www.gottman.com for more information. “

When we actually take a break most often

Don Elium, MA MFT Walnut Creek CA SF Bay Area • 925 256-8282 phone/text • TeleHealth Counseling Video sessions • don-elium-psychotherapy.com

Ask