THE GRAY DIVORCE

The divorce announcement by Bill and Melinda Gates took many people by surprise. From the outside, it seemed that the couple’s lives were very intertwined. Why do this now after 27 years of marriage?

Despite the fact that overall divorce rates in the U.S. dropped since the 1980s, the rate of divorce among people over 50 climbed to historic levels. Over the past two decades, the rate doubled. Now, one in four divorces is a “gray divorce.”

MARRIAGE IN AN EMPTY NEST

There’s been a generational shift in the way that people in their 50s and 60s think about their relationships. With the stigma of divorce lessening over time, couples no longer feel bound to stick it out in a bad marriage. With longer life expectancy, there’s a sense that there’s a whole lot of living to be done and time goes by quickly.

Couples often accomplished career or parenting goals by now. Long-standing disconnection in the marriage can be just one of many catalysts for partners to leave.  

Couples whose kids have left for college will sometimes feel adrift. Routines, roles, and rituals that organized their lives for years come to an abrupt halt. “We don’t even know each other anymore,” my client Nate* told me, as he and Lily*, his wife of 23 years, talked in a session about trying to reconnect with each other. They were “Mom and Dad” for the last 20 years. Parenting their two kids had been their only common focus. That empty nest has lots of possibilities, but it can be a lonely place for many couples.

CLICK HERE for THE GRAY DIVORCE article

https://www.gottman.com/blog/what-is-gray-divorce/?utm_source=Blog&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=RSS

AUTHOR: Sinead Smyth, LMFT is a Certified Gottman Therapist and Master Trainer in Gottman Method Couples Therapy. Her counseling practice, East Bay Relationship Center, has offices in Pleasanton and Alameda, CA, and works with couples, families, teens, and individuals. You can visit her website here.