Invest in Your Relationship: The Emotional Bank Account

https://www.gottman.com/blog/invest-relationship-emotional-bank-account/

by Christopher Dollard

The difference between happy and unhappy couples is how they manage their Emotional Bank Account.

. . . Essentially, when you turn toward your partner’s bids for connection, you are making a deposit in your Emotional Bank Account. And when you turn away from your partner, you make a withdrawal. Just like a real bank account, a zero balance is trouble, and a negative balance is the real danger zone.

An Emotional Bank Account grows when partners make more deposits than withdrawals. In a six-year follow-up study of newlywed couples, couples who remained married turned toward their partner’s bids for emotional connection 86% of the time in the lab, while those who divorced averaged 33%. The difference between happy and unhappy couples is how they manage their Emotional Bank Account. 

When the Emotional Bank Account is in the red, partners tend to question each other’s intentions and feel disconnected, or even lonely . . .

CLICK HERE FOR THE GOTTMAN ARTICLE ON The Emotional Bank Account

https://www.gottman.com/blog/invest-relationship-emotional-bank-account/

Christopher Dollard: A graduate of the Syracuse University MFA program in Creative Writing, Christopher Dollard is a former professor of literature and writing and an accomplished poet and essayist. Check out more of his work on his website here.