Two Kinds of Domestic Violence: One is situational, and the other is Charactological, which is more severe.
The terms "episodic domestic violence" and "characterological domestic violence" refer to different patterns and underlying causes of domestic violence within relationships.
Episodic Domestic Violence
Nature: Episodic domestic violence typically occurs in isolated incidents or episodes rather than as a continuous or systematic pattern.
Frequency: These incidents are sporadic and may be triggered by specific situations, stressors, or external factors, such as financial strain, substance abuse, or emotional distress.
Behavior: The perpetrator in episodic domestic violence might not have an ingrained tendency toward violence. They may express remorse after the incident and may not view violence as a regular part of their relationship behavior.
Potential for Change: Because the behavior is not habitual, the perpetrator may be more likely to change, especially if they acknowledge the problem and seek help through counseling or other interventions, and each partner takes a deep dive into accountability for their part in the episodes, and a plan to handle conflict more productively and healthily.
Characterological Domestic Violence:
Nature: Characterological domestic violence is a more severe and persistent form of abuse, often ingrained in the perpetrator’s personality and behavior.
Frequency: This type of violence is customary, with a consistent pattern of controlling, manipulative, and abusive behavior.
Behavior: The perpetrator often needs power and control over their partner. They may have deep-seated personality issues, such as narcissism, antisocial tendencies, or a belief that violence is an acceptable way to assert dominance.
Potential for Change: Characterological domestic violence is much more challenging to address because it is rooted in the perpetrator’s character. Long-term therapy or intervention might be necessary, but change is often complicated and less likely.
SUMMARY OF John and Julie GOTTMAN RESEARCH
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Situational domestic violence arises from arguments spinning out of control. Both partners tend to be mildly violent, using slaps or shoves to stress their points. Both feel guilty and want to change. Eighty percent of U.S. domestic violence is situational.
We conducted a randomized controlled study in which small groups of couples met weekly for twenty weeks to learn pre-tested conflict management skills, biofeedback techniques for self-soothing, and methods to deepen friendship and intimacy. This program eliminated situational domestic violence and hostility and increased calm conflict management, even at an 18-month follow-up. Sandra Stith and Eric McCollum also developed a couples program that succeeded in eliminating situational domestic violence.
Characterological domestic violence presents a different story. One partner is a perpetrator; the other is a victim. The perpetrator takes no responsibility for the violence and instead blames the victim for causing it. There’s nothing the victim can do to stop the violence, which often causes her significant injuries or even death. Victims are primarily female.
Our research revealed two types of characterological perpetrators: “Pitbulls” and “Cobras.” Pitbulls fear abandonment. They are jealous, possessive, domineering and often isolate their partners. Cobras may be psychopaths. They are belligerent, unpredictably explosive, and strike out of nowhere. No one has found a treatment that stops characterological DV. To escape potentially dire consequences, the victim must separate from the perpetrator and seek safety elsewhere. Twenty percent of domestic violence is characterological. The victims of this form of DV now fill our shelters.
