I’d long suspected something was “off.” Then,

at 43, an unexpected answer arrived.

By Mary H.K. Choi THE CUT, New York Magazine

I’d long suspected something was “off.” Then, at 43, an unexpected answer arrived.

By Mary H.K. Choi THE CUT, New York MagazineIn May 24, 2023, at age 43, I was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. I sought assessment on the heels of an exasperated parting shot from Sam as he left the apartment mid-fight. Before he turned away, he said to me in a half-joke, “Jesus, I swear you’re autistic or have a personality disorder,” then shut the door.

I didn’t feel peevish triumph at how obviously mean he was being, which was very unlike me. What I remember most is the sinking sensation that accompanies unwelcome recognition. So in the weeks after the fight, I took to TikTok. Then Reddit. I binged on whatever the algorithm increasingly understood would privilege a confirmation bias to keep me engaged: autism memes (“POV: You’re Autistic and You’re Multitasking …” Or “Autism in Adult Women May Look Like …”). Within the month, I’d made an appointment at the Sachs Center, a “full- service boutique psychotherapy practice.” I had found it deep within the bowels of Autism Reddit and was duly unsure of its reputation, but after 40- plus years, I was impatient. Ready to throw money at the problem. I elected to be tested for both ASD and ADHD despite having already been diagnosed with ADHD three years earlier by my psychiatrist (who, for then record, helped eliminate Sam’s other accusation of my having a personality disorder).

…. ASD is a spectrum, but there is often a presumption that the spectrum is a linear gradient from mild to severe. In fact, the disorder is not a spectrum but spectra, a solar system of sprawling constellations in 3-D that differs from one person to the next. Within autistic communities, they say, “If you’ve met one person with ASD, you’ve met one person with ASD.”