The Difference Between a Discussion and a Decison

Difference Between a Discussion and a Decision in Marital and Family Conversations

  • THE CORE NEED OF CONSENT: Don’t assume a task from a Discussion

    A discussion is an open exchange of ideas, feelings, and perspectives. It involves exploring possibilities, sharing thoughts, and understanding each other’s viewpoints without the immediate pressure of concluding or taking action. Discussions focus on communication and mutual understanding.

    Example in family: Parents discuss potential vacation destinations with their children, considering everyone’s preferences and limitations. The goal is to explore ideas and understand what matters to everyone.

  • Decision:

    A decision is the outcome of a process where a course of action is agreed upon after weighing the inputs from a discussion. It requires clarity, commitment, and often compromise. Decisions translate ideas into actions.

    Example in family: After the discussion about vacation destinations, the parents decide on a destination and set dates, balancing everyone’s preferences with practical considerations.

Examples of Discussions and Decisions Going Wrong

  1. Going Wrong in a Discussion:

    • Scenario: A couple discusses financial goals for the year. One partner starts criticizing the other’s past spending instead of focusing on shared goals. The discussion becomes defensive and unproductive.

    • Why It Fails: Instead of staying exploratory and open, the discussion turns into an argument. Emotional triggers derail the conversation.

  2. Going Wrong in a Decision:

    • Scenario: Parents quickly decide to move a child to a new school without discussing the decision with the child. The child feels excluded and resents the change.

    • Why It Fails: The decision was made without thorough input from all stakeholders, leading to dissatisfaction and potential resistance.

Examples of Discussions and Decisions Going Right

  1. Going Right in a Discussion:

    • Scenario: A couple discusses how to balance time spent with extended family over the holidays. They both share what’s important to them without judgment, listen actively, and gain a deeper understanding of each other’s needs.

    • Why It Succeeds: The discussion remains respectful and exploratory, setting the stage for a collaborative decision.

  2. Going Right in a Decision:

    • Scenario: After discussing the holiday plans, the couple decides to split time between their families, with clear communication and a plan for travel.

    • Why It Succeeds: The decision reflects mutual input and prioritizes fairness and practical execution.

Key Distinctions for Satisfying Agreements

  1. Purpose:

    • In a discussion: Aim for understanding and idea generation.

    • In a decision: Aim for resolution and action.

  2. Timing:

    • Avoid rushing a discussion into a decision without full exploration.

    • Transition to decision-making once clarity and readiness emerge.

  3. Involvement:

    • In discussions: Ensure everyone feels heard.

    • In decisions: Ensure everyone feels their input has been valued.

  4. Emotional Tone:

    • Discussions thrive on curiosity and openness.

    • Decisions thrive on clarity and unity.