Part 1
Why Your Brain’s Story
It isn’t Always True
The Default Mode (Self-Identity) Network
By Don Elium, MFT
The human brain is a storyteller, constantly working to make sense of our experiences. At the center of this storytelling system is the Default Mode Network (DMN)—a group of brain regions that light up when we’re not focused on an external task. It activates when we daydream, reflect, plan, remember the past, or imagine the future. In short, the DMN is where our sense of self lives. It helps us answer the question: “Who am I?”
But here’s the twist. The DMN doesn’t prioritize truth—it prioritizes stability. Its job is not to give us a clear picture of reality, but to keep our identity and worldview consistent enough that we feel safe and predictable to ourselves. If something threatens that sense of inner stability, the DMN is more likely to distort, deny, or reframe the story rather than rewrite it completely. The result? We often tell ourselves narratives that feel true, but aren't necessarily rooted in objective reality.
This is especially true in moments of stress or emotional vulnerability. When hurt, shamed, or afraid, the DMN quickly creates a storyline to protect us from feeling unstable. For example, if we were ignored as children, the DMN might form the belief: “I must not matter.” Once repeated and emotionally reinforced, this belief gets wired in—not because it’s true, but because it helps the brain make sense of emotional pain. It becomes part of our default identity.
The DMN is a survival tool. It helps us filter overwhelming input, store emotional memories, and create meaning in chaos. But this comes at a cost. If left unexamined, the DMN will keep repeating old stories—even painful or limiting ones—because they feel familiar. Familiarity is safety to the DMN, even if the narrative is no longer helpful or accurate. Many people find themselves stuck in patterns they can’t explain: their brain runs on an outdated self-story.
One of the most fascinating things about the DMN is that it’s not fixed. It can be updated—but only under certain conditions. During periods of neuroplasticity (such as therapy, grief, meditation, or psychedelic experiences), the DMN becomes more flexible. New experiences contradicting the old story—if they’re emotionally powerful and repeated—can rewire the network. This is how people change how they act and who they believe themselves to be.
Another key feature of the DMN is that it works in loops. Once it settles on a narrative, it will seek evidence to support it. This is known as confirmation bias. If your DMN carries the belief “I’m not good enough,” it will subtly filter your memories and daily experiences to reinforce that story. You may not notice the compliments, but you’ll remember the criticisms. Not because you’re weak, but because your DMN is trying to stabilize your identity by staying consistent.
What’s more, the DMN doesn’t always work alone. It interacts with emotional centers like the amygdala and hippocampus, which help tag memories with feelings. That’s why emotional memories feel more real than factual ones. If something felt intense, especially during childhood or trauma, it often gets locked into the DMN as a core part of identity. Over time, we stop questioning it. We say, “That’s just who I am,” when it may be a survival story the brain chose, not a truth we consciously created.
This is why therapeutic work often focuses on gently confronting the old stories we carry. The goal isn’t to shame the DMN, but to update it—to offer new, emotionally grounded experiences that reshape the story it tells. When we feel safe enough to be seen, challenged, and supported, the brain can rewrite the loops it once clung to. This is identity work. And it’s what makes real healing possible.
So the next time you hear a harsh or limiting voice in your head, pause. Ask yourself: “Is this true, or just familiar?” That question alone can create a crack in the DMN’s certainty, and a new story can grow in that crack. One that’s more honest, compassionate, and aligned with who you are becoming, not just who you’ve been.
In the end, the DMN is not the enemy. It’s the keeper of continuity, the architect of the self. But without awareness, it can become a prison of old beliefs. With awareness, safety, and repeated experience, it becomes a living story that can evolve as you do.
Part 2
The Awareness Network
The Brain's Key to
Seeing Clearly What Is True
By Don Elium, MFT
Most assume that being aware means simply noticing what’s around us. However, in neuroscience, awareness is a specific, measurable brain function. It has its network, separate from the one that handles our self-story. This Awareness Network plays a crucial role in helping us perceive reality in real time, without the filters, assumptions, or biases created by our personal history. Understanding this network is essential for anyone interested in mindfulness, healing, or genuine transformation.
The brain operates through networks—clusters of regions that light up together and work as a system. Two of the most important are the Self-Identity Network (often called the Default Mode Network, or DMN) and the Awareness Network, sometimes referred to in neuroscience as the Task-Positive Network or the Salience/Executive Control Network. These networks operate in a rhythm, often switching control back and forth depending on what’s happening.
The Self-Identity Network is where our personal story lives. It reflects on the past, imagines the future, tracks our place in social relationships, and creates a sense of "me." This network is active when we’re daydreaming, remembering, or ruminating. It helps us maintain continuity, meaning, and a coherent narrative about who we are. But it isn’t always grounded in the present. Its priority is to keep us emotionally and psychologically stable—even if that means distorting reality.
By contrast, the Awareness Network is the system that brings us into the here and now. It engages when we are entirely focused on what is happening in the moment, during meditation, deep listening, sensory awareness, or when we’re present in our bodies. This network allows us to observe thoughts, emotions, and sensations without immediately identifying with them. Mindfulness traditions often describe the “witnessing self” as consciousness without attachment.
Where the DMN tries to make meaning, the Awareness Network takes things in. It notices without needing to interpret. It allows us to track what is actually happening, not just what we expect or fear. This is why mindfulness and meditation practices are so powerful. They increase activation of the Awareness Network while reducing activity in the DMN, allowing us to step outside the loops of old self-narratives momentarily.
But the goal isn’t to shut down one network and favor the other. The healthiest forms of self-awareness arise when the two networks work together. When the Awareness Network is strong, it can observe the activity of the Self-Identity Network with curiosity and perspective. It allows us to say, “Oh, I’m thinking that old thought again,” instead of unconsciously living inside it. This interface is the birthplace of choice and real inner growth.
In neuroscience terms, this means building a bridge between narrative and presence. That bridge is where actual self-awareness lives. Without it, we’re either lost in our stories (over-identified with the DMN) or detached from meaning (over-identified with pure observation). But when both are online, we can observe our patterns, question our beliefs, and maintain a grounded sense of self.
Practices like mindfulness, somatic therapy, and breathwork strengthen the Awareness Network. Over time, this leads to less emotional reactivity and a more flexible identity. When you’re aware that your mind is pulling you into an old survival loop, you have a moment of space. And in that space, you can choose a new response.
This is the foundation of emotional regulation, personal growth, and healing from trauma. The Awareness Network allows us to feel a feeling without becoming the feeling. It lets us name an old belief without being consumed by it. And most importantly, it gives us access to the part of ourselves that can change the story, not just survive inside it.
So if you’re on a path of transformation, don’t just ask, “Who am I?” Ask also, “Who is noticing?” The Self-Identity Network will answer with history and habit. But the Awareness Network will pause and say, “This is what’s here now.” And from that place, something new can begin.
———-
Glossary of Terms
Awareness Network
A brain system that helps us stay fully present in the moment. It allows us to notice thoughts, emotions, and sensations without becoming overwhelmed or reactive. Also called the Task-Positive Network or Executive Control Network.
Self-Identity Network
The brain network stores our personal story, memories, and beliefs about who we are. Known in neuroscience as the Default Mode Network (DMN), it creates a continuous sense of self, but can also distort reality to keep us feeling emotionally stable.
Default Mode Network (DMN)
A network in the brain that activates when we’re not focused on the outside world. It helps us think about ourselves, reflect on the past, plan for the future, and make sense of our lives—but it often runs on old habits and assumptions.
Task-Positive Network
Another name for the Awareness Network. It becomes active when we focus on a task, pay close attention, or stay mindful in the present moment.
Salience Network / Executive Control Network
Neuroscience describes parts of the awareness network that help us filter what matters, shift attention, and stay focused on what’s real or necessary.
Narrative Self
The inner story we tell ourselves about who we are is shaped by our past experiences, emotional memories, and repeated thoughts. This narrative lives in the DMN and often goes unchallenged unless observed by the Awareness Network.
Witnessing Self
The part of our mind that can observe without reacting. It notices what’s happening inside us (thoughts, feelings, body sensations) with curiosity rather than judgment. Often accessed through mindfulness and meditation.
Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is the ability to recognize our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in the moment. Accurate self-awareness happens when the Awareness and Self-Identity Networks work together—when we can observe our patterns without getting lost.
Over-Identification
When we become so fused with a thought, belief, or emotion, we mistake it for who we are. This often happens when the DMN dominates and the Awareness Network is underused.
Mindfulness
A practice that trains the brain to stay focused on the present moment with openness and acceptance. It strengthens the Awareness Network and helps us respond to life more clearly than habitually.
Emotional Reactivity
Acting out of intense emotion without space to think clearly. Strengthening the Awareness Network can reduce reactivity by helping us pause and choose our response.
Somatic Therapy
A therapeutic approach that focuses on body awareness to heal emotional wounds. By staying present with bodily sensations, we activate the Awareness Network and bring safety into the nervous system.
Awareness Network
A brain system that helps us stay present in the moment. It allows us to observe thoughts, feelings, and sensations without getting caught in them. Also known as the Task-Positive Network or part of the Executive Control Network.
The Self-Identity Network
The Default Mode Network (DMN) creates our internal story—how we see ourselves, remember the past, and imagine the future. It’s responsible for our sense of self, but can repeat old beliefs and distort reality for emotional stability.
The Default Mode Network (DMN)
is an active network in the brain when we’re thinking about ourselves, daydreaming, or reflecting. It helps maintain a sense of “me” across time, but often relies on familiar patterns rather than accurate or present-based thinking.
Emotional Regulation
The ability to stay steady and grounded when emotions arise. It improves as the Awareness Network strengthens, allowing us to respond instead of react.
Narrative Identity
The DMN is the story we tell ourselves about who we are. Built from memories, beliefs, and past experiences, it shapes and influences how we react and relate to others.
Mindfulness
The practice of paying attention to the present moment without judgment. It strengthens the Awareness Network and helps us observe our thoughts rather than be controlled by them.
Over-Identification
When we get caught in a thought, feeling, or belief and mistake it for who we are. This often happens when the DMN is dominant and the Awareness Network is underactive.
Self-Awareness
The ability to notice and reflect on our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Accurate self-awareness arises when the Self-Identity Network and the Awareness Network work together.
Task-Positive Network
A term often used for the Awareness Network. It turns on when we’re focused on a task or in the present moment. It helps us observe without attaching to stories or interpretations.
Witnessing Self
A term often used in mindfulness traditions describes the part of us that can observe without reacting. It lives in the Awareness Network and helps us track what’s happening without immediately identifying it